And by "really nervous", I mean seriously super nervous.
Maybe it's more anxious? It's times and emotions like these that I can never pinpoint what adjective I want to describe how I feel.
It's currently 1:16 and I should be sleeping. I've been lying in bed sleeping and (figuratively) dying in bed the past two days with what felt like every sickness imaginable (migraine, sore throat, no voice, upset stomach, etc.). So I should take advantage of the first day of recovery and go to bed early again, but I can't seem to do that right now when there's a ton of thoughts going through my head...
As I have mentioned before, I have been called to be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to the California Oakland/San Francisco Mission (aka the Bay Area woo!). I will also be serving in the Oakland Temple Visitors' Center. I leave in 55 days (woo!). It's crazy how fast time is going by, both in a good way and bad way. Good - I'll be leaving on my mission soon and I can't wait to be out there. Bad - finals are coming up...where did this semester go?!
Anyhow, tonight has been a night full of emotions for me, regarding the mission. It all began when I decided to begin watching the videos the Church tells you to watch, prior to entering the Missionary Training Center (MTC). The only things I've really heard about these videos are that they're pretty emotional and that it'll make you feel like you need to step up your game by like 10,000%. I've only watched the first one so far but oh dear...talk about emotion. It truly is full of the spirit; reckon, it's a little cheesy, but the power within in on preparing and planning is so strong. My first thought after watching that video was, "Am I going to be ready for these kind of situations?" I know the mission is going to be hard, but....just watching the first video of these sets has already made me realize just how much harder it's going to be when I'm actually out there.
The second thought I had with that video was being able to feel promptings from the Spirit while teaching investigators. The missionaries in the video were so good at teaching! I really hope that I'll know just what to say and help bring others to the Gospel. Even more nerve-wracking, right?
Then the night got more interesting, and it's really ironic how this night played out.
So I love the show "The Big Bang Theory". I love being able to understand all the physics and math jokes; nerds rule! So after I finished the missionary video and pondered for a bit, I decided that I should do my hair and then go to bed (as I usually do). I also decided that watching an episode or two of "The Big Bang Theory" while doing my hair was a good idea. This is where the first interesting part of the night comes in: Sheldon's mother comes into town for the weekend, who is a huge Christian religious woman. She revolves everything around God and her church. Anyway, in the episode, Sheldon's mother and his friends are at a church and she suggests they all take a turn praying to God. She goes, then Penny, then Leonard, Howard reluctantly follows (he's Jewish), and Raj then finally goes (who's Hindu). The way they pray was so ....casual. And kind of disrespectful. I know they're doing it for humor and all, but still....I didn't appreciate it. I wish shows and movies would keep religion out; humor can be found in other ways. I just wanted to jump into the show and say, "Hey, let me teach how to really pray and tell you about my faith".
Last part of this interesting night. Afterwards, I check good ol' Facebook.....where all the drama and movements happen (but don't really affect anything). So long story short, apparently there's a new website run by some members in the Church, calling for women to hold the Priesthood. It's like when those people tried to get women to wear pants to church. Seriously people? I'm not going to get into this issue specifically right now because that'll be a whole different post, held for tomorrow. I saw this through a post from a local news facebook page and so the comments following the post were about this issue. Of course, some people were then bashing on our religion and questioning things, etc.
This got me thinking even more....am I really ready to be a missionary? Me, a girl only 20 years of age, going to one of the most liberal areas of the country. A girl who has been called to one of the most dangerous places in the nation as well. A girl who is still learning about the Gospel herself and still growing her testimony.
Am I ready to face these people in person, rather than through words on the Internet? Am I going to be ready to have the patience to try and teach them the true Gospel and have them be open-minded and have a soft heart? Am I ready to go through a lot of angry people, as I serve in such a liberal area? Will there be people willing to hear our message and be inviting? Am I just bracing myself for 18 months full of doors slammed in my face?
I don't know why the Lord has called me to serve in the Oakland/San Francisco mission, but I do know that that's where He wants me. I don't know for what exact purpose I'm being called there, but I do know that what I'm preparing myself to do is the right thing. I may not feel ready now, I may not feel ready the night before I report for my mission, but I know that the Lord will guide me each day to do what I need to do for Him.
With this super crazy world that's full of contradictions, arguments, hatred, and drama, preaching the Gospel is going to be ever so much harder. But to preach the Gospel to that world in 55 days is what I'm going to do. With all my heart and might, I will put all that I have into serving my Lord to bring others just that same happiness and joy I have experienced through His wonderful Plan of Salvation.
I hope that I will be able to answer questions people throw at men. To anyone who may come across this and read it - please, if you have questions, assumptions, rumors, or anything about our church, please ask the missionaries or the members to make sure you know the truth.
My prayer is to be able to do the Lord's work as best as I can when I report to the MTC. Alone I am nothing; with the rest of the missionaries, I am something. My prayer is for people to be open-minded.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am a normal person, just like anyone else. And this is the life of me.
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